I am so glad you wrote this pairing; it's one I adore and a rare one even in its already-rare fandom. I am not so glad about how you wrote them.
First, she's something of an innocent in sexual and romantic things, and he likes the parts of her that are innocent and wouldn't want to ruin them. You said this in your fic, actually, which was Doing It Right. Having them shrug this off after a couple paragraphs and sexor randomly anyway? was Doing It Wrong.
Next, she's not going to jump into bed with... anyone. It would never "just happen" as the fic said, and certainly not because she initiated and wanted it. She is the type of person who has other priorities, is not sexually experienced, and would need to develop some sort of real connection first, which they don't have at this point and you did not develop or explain in the fic. Oh, and she slapped him for trying to touch her in canon. Jumping into bed with him in a fic set in the same episode? No.
Now let's get to the sex itself, because that's sexy. Only, not. It was written like very awkward teen sex. This would actually be a refreshing change from most smut fic and fit for her, but the problem is that you made the awkward all about him. He is pretty much the opposite of an awkward teen; he is confident and self-assured and suave; not to mention mature enough to be a mentor figure and a leader. You could convince me he's not sexually experienced if you went from a 'he'd be too demanding and not consider anyone good enough and worth the chase' angle, but you cannot convince me he'd be made of awkward fumbling.
Last, he is a very emotional person, yes. But these emotions are kept very firmly internalized. When they start to threaten to affect his judgment, we see him do anything to shove them down and act only according to his rational goals and motivations. This? Does not really describe the sort of person who'd cry over having good sex and suddenly be in touch with the emotions he's been denying so well that even he is unaware of some of them. (Healing vagina instead of healing penis? Should we count that as novel?)
annoyed![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
crazy
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calm
bitchy
amused